U R GONNA B SORRY...
Monday, December 12, 2011 at 03:15PM Most of the people whizzing past me and Sammy the Dog had the normal look of attentive drivers - head up, eyes ahead - but one guy sported the all too familiar head-slanted-down-awkwardly, eyes-not-on-the-road stance of today's texters.
But he obviously stayed on task for one reason and one reason only: He was a distracted driver AND a VIP - a Very Important Putz.
Very Important Putzes think that they cannot go five minutes without letting the world know their thoughts, words and precise whereabouts.
If you're a walker, you can spot a texting driver immediately as they bob their heads rapidly up and down: text; obligatory glance at road; text; damn road again; oooppps! kid walking to school, watch it, sonny boy!; text; road AGAIN; yellow light, hit it, mister; ooooppps!, bicyclist; rinse and repeat.
But this guy was hard core, reading an obviously fascinating text, road or no road. Sammy and I were perplexed and fascinated, so we kept watching him:
a) Because we need a little excitement on our walk, frankly; and
b) Because we couldn't believe how long this moron could commandeer a moving vehicle down a main city street without actually LOOKING at said street. Does this mean that legally blind people can now drive a car, too? I used to know a blind guy who loved automobiles and would have killed to be able to drive, so maybe this whole "you don't really need to look where you're going" trend is promising news!
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration recently released a survey showing that about half of American drivers between 21 and 24 confess that they have texted from the driver's seat. Interestingly enough, the interviewees didn't consider their actions dangerous, although they did think it was unwise for other drivers to text while behind the wheel.Why? Because only they - and not the other lowlifes - are Very Important Putzes.
Driving home the other night on a downtown street that was clogged with rush hour activity, the car in front of me had to constantly honk at the driver in front of him to move forward when the light turned green. I'm no NASA engineer nor a soothsayer, but my guess is that the snail-paced driver was repeatedly texting during the lull between light changes, thus making a slow commute even more painstaking and wince-inducing.
But raise your hand if you have ever glanced at your phone to read a text while sitting at a red light.
See? That's a lot of fingernails and I'll admit that mine is among them.
I don't know why we do it - we're not the Secretary of State, we're not keeping an entire medical team waiting while we rush to perform neurosurgery, and we will not perish without reading our pal's reply to our latest witty text.
So let's resolve to keep our corneas on the road and avoid being Very Important Putzes.
Trust me, some other VIPs (Very Important Pedestrians) will be forever grateful.
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